His Tallness
by chocolatexloverx16
Summary: The day started out boring as ever... but Roy had never experienced a horror such as this before. Fullmetal sure had some nerve... acting like a prince and stealing his harem? Nobody could do that, and not scar Roy! Rated T for Tricks and Tallness. Enjoy!


_**A/N**: Another violating one shot to share! _

_**Thanks to**: Indigo Oblivion for taking my random observation and weaving an amazical idea out of it :D_

_**Warnings**: This is one royally screwed up dream (pun intended), and there are going to be some skimpily-dressed females… hm… and jealousy! _

_**Disclaimer**: I don't own any miniskirt hare- I mean, I don't own the Flame Alchemist-wait, that's not the right name either… Edward Elric! I do not own him either! Also, I do not own a wrench D:_

Colonel Roy Mustang sighed pitifully. All this damn paperwork would be the end of him someday, he just knew it.

It took half an hour to finally work up the motivation to persevere, to conquer his paperwork, but motivated he was!

That is, until the dreaded knock upon his door startled him from his competence. "Erm, come in!" he commanded, sitting up straight in his extra comfortable chair.

The door opened, revealing the one, the only, Riza Hawkeye. "Sir, I have more paperwork that needs your signature," she told him monotonously.

Roy's posture relaxed subconsciously. "I'll get right on that lieutenant…"

Riza cracked a half smile. "Good to see you're not slacking off, sir."

"Of course not! How could you imply such a thing? I'm not useless!" Roy protested childishly.

"Of course, sir. You are not useless. It is a nice sunny day today," she paused for a second, "I will be seeing you later, sir," she saluted, and left the room.

He blinked. _Did she just insinuate what I think she did? I'm _not_ useless!_

He glanced at the new arrivals, stacked about two feet high. He let out a groan and slammed his head on the desk, and shut his eyes for a moment. Convinced that he's calmed down some, he opened them and dared to look at his paperwork again.

Unfortunately, it was still there, mocking him. Such cruelty!

Sighing, the colonel stood up, and decided to take a walk. A breather was just the thing he needed right now, and no one would deny him his needs!

As soon as he opened his office door, however, a very strange sight awaited him. There were many many women in miniskirts walking down the hallway, and none had noticed his presence. Roy vaguely wondered why they were all flocking in the opposite direction of him, and felt the need to figure out the reason. They should all be flocking to him, no objections, damn it!

Fed up with being ignored, he stormed through the harem and found where they were going-

_What? IT COULDN'T BE!_

Right there, in the middle of the hallway, was Fullmetal.

With a crown.

And a throne.

And worst of all… the miniskirted beauties! Mustang felt a sharp stab in his chest. _Is this betrayal?_

"What is the meaning of this Fullmetal?" Roy screamed at the younger, shorter, not-as-good-looking male.

Ed wagged his finger at Roy, and smirked. "Uh uh uh, if you wish to speak with me, you must call me "Your Tallness", you joker."

Roy blinked. A joker? He shook his head in bewilderment. "Your Tallness? Is that some sort of joke?"

Prince Edward laughed heartily. "I'm afraid not. You are the only joker around here!" Ed snapped his fingers, only for a dozen of the girls to surround him. Each asked him what it was he needed.

Roy watched in horror as Fullmetal grinned at them and told them how delighted he'd be if they would join him in watching the joker. He just about broke when he heard them giggle in agreement.

"So, joker, have any special tricks for us?" Prince Ed asked mockingly.

Roy shook his head in denial this time, and froze. Was that a jingling sound coming from his head? He tentatively reached a hand up to make sure, and his eyes widened; he was wearing a jester's hat.

So that's how it was. Roy went from aspiring colonel to a lowly, lowly, lowly jester. Oh, he had a special trick for Fullmetal all right. He smiled deviously, and snapped his fingers.

Both males watched the flames reach their way to Ed's luscious long blond locks.

"Ahhhhh! My precious hair! You fool, you shall pay for this!" His Tallness hastily clapped his hands together and touched his hair, somehow extinguishing the fire, but he wasn't quick enough to save his hair.

Roy couldn't help but watch as Ed began screaming loudly, and jabbed a finger in his direction. "You will feel my wrath, joker…" he paused dramatically. "Girls, attack!"

Suddenly, all the beautiful ladies in the miniskirts pulled out torches and axes and other miscellaneous weapons from their outfits. Roy was surrounded, and he knew it. There was no way he'd get out of here alive!

The cocking of a gun directly behind him made him start, and he turned around, knowing who it was.

Riza was standing there holding him at gunpoint alright. The only problem was…

She was wearing a miniskirt! _What, she won't wear one for me, but she will for the runt? What kind of messed up world _is_ this?_

Mustang just couldn't take it anymore. Seeing his right hand woman like this, it was too much for him. He dropped to his knees and screamed bloody murder for five minutes.

Five minutes, and then Riza fired her gun at him.

The colonel jerked awake abruptly. _Was that just a dream?_ He frowned pensively. Was that really Fullmetal as a prince? Did he really steal the harem? _How dare he… that little-_

His door was kicked open, interrupting his thoughts. "Colonel, I want you to make me a sandw-"

"HOW DARE YOU!" Roy exploded. "HOW DARE YOU, COME IN HERE LIKE THIS, DEMANDING EVERYTHING FROM ME!"

Ed looked confused for a moment, then his angry face erupted. "Hey! I DON'T DEMAND EVERYTHING FROM YOU! THAT WOULD PUT ME IN YOUR DEBT, AND THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN, YOU BASTARD!"

"LIES! YOU STOLE MY HAREM FROM ME! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" Roy snapped, standing up and letting the door slam on his way out.

Ed's angry face morphed back into the confused one. "What the hell…?" He pouted uncharacteristically. _I only wanted a sandwich… why won't he ever make me one…?_

.

Riza walked into Roy's office, only to see Edward instead. "Edward? What are you doing in here?"

Ed jumped, but answered. "I only wanted a sandwich… and he yelled at me!" Ed's face crumpled with the hurt, the anguish of it all, and Riza felt an overpowering urge to smack the colonel.

_Wait… I always have that urge…_

Ed then sat down in the special office chair. "Hey, lieutenant, do you think you could, possibly, make me one?" His fingers traced the intricate patterns on the armrests nervously, hoping she'd save the day.

Riza felt the weirdest sensation ever; she wanted nothing more than to give Edward a sandwich!

She blinked. _That can't be normal… maybe the chair has special powers?_

… _Nah._

She flashed him a rare smile. "Not to worry, Your Tallness, I shall prepare one for you right away!"

Ed blinked. _Your Tallness… I like the sound of that…_ Ed grinned deviously.

.

Roy finally came back to his office, after several hours of moping around and generally being useless.

What he found was not at all what he was expecting.

"… Lieutenant…? Why are you offering Fullmetal a plate of sandwiches?" Roy hesitantly questioned her.

"… And why are you wearing a miniskirt-HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WEARING THAT?" Roy's eyes popped out of his head, and a nosebleed commenced.

Riza turned to him, expression neutral. "He is not Fullmetal, he is Prince Edward. Be nice when you speak with Your Tallness, sir."

Roy gasped. She couldn't be serious! He glanced at Fullmetal, and saw he was wearing a crown, just like that nightmare.

That was all he needed to know. Roy ran screaming down the hallway.

There was no doubt in his mind; he would be having nightmares about Prince Edward the Tall tonight. And he will hate every second of it!

_**A/N**: Ok, probs not as amazing as I thought it'd be, but eh.  
*Ahem* No body was harmed in the making of this fic. His Tallness's hair, however, was not so lucky…_

_*sigh* Sorry, this is what happens when I write after midnight XD I go crazy._

_Any thoughts would be appreciated!_

_Peace and love!_

_chocolatexloverx16_


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